- Something triggers you to want to change your body. Maybe you just turned 30 and want to turn your life around. Maybe you saw new movie where the actor was super ripped and now you’re inspired. Maybe you just got dumped by your girlfriend and want to prove her wrong. Maybe you’re sick and tired of people making fun of the way you look.
- Google “how to to get ripped”
- Watch the How bad do you want it video.
- Get super pumped up and motivated.
- Tell yourself that you’re going to lose weight and get in shape.
- Join gym.
- Go to gym.
- Attempt to squat 50 pounds. Your knees crack and hurt because what is form.
- Leave the squat rack without re-racking your two, 25 pound plates.
- Attempt bench press.
- Hot girl uses bench next to you. Now you start worrying how this girl, that you’ve never met before, and doesn’t give two shits about you is going to judge you based on the amount of weight you lift and how out of shape you are.
- Wake up the next morning.
- You’re either so sore to the point you can’t move or not sore at all. If it’s the latter, your chances of giving up increase by 12.7% because you believe soreness is the only indicator of progress and success.
- But you tell yourself that you’re committed and that you need to change your body.
- Keep going gym with the hope that things will get better.
- Results are not coming fast enough.
- Spend $200 on supplements that promise to help you burn 30% more fat.
- Realized that supplement company lied.
- After one week, contemplate killing yourself.
- Stumble upon a motivational Youtube video. At 5:04 in the video, a clip of Legolas from The Two Towers plays while a Will Smith audio clip from The Pursuit Of Happiness plays in background.
- Now you’re super fucking motivated again. Thanks Orlando Bloom.
- Go to gym again. Tell yourself that THIS is it.
- You don’t see any results the first month.
- Spiral into bouts of depression, questioning why you’re not getting results. Sure it might be because: 1) You’re not training with enough intensity. 2) You’re eating half a dozen Krispy Kreme doughnuts after you workout because you think you “deserve it.” 3) You’re not even aware of how many calories you’re eating….But no, that’s just crazy talk.
- The only possible explanation is that you’re a special little snowflake who can’t lose fat and build muscle like a normal person. The whole world is conspiring against you.
- Blame your lack of results on genetics. Not because you actually have bad genetics. But because genetics are vague and mysterious enough that no one understands them. Everyone will just nod in agreement when you explain how genetics are the reason you’re out of shape.
- Double down and go even more hardcore. Maybe even try a detox cleanse.
- Decide to go to the gym 6x per week instead of your initial 3x because you follow fuck boy logic – “Can’t even make it to the gym consistently 3x per week, so let’s go 6x.”
- Yeah that didn’t pan out…
- Sit in a McDonalds drive thru..hating the living shit out of yourself for ordering an 800 calorie pancake sausage breakfast, but doing it anyways because you’ve essentially given up on life.
- Wait 1-12 weeks. During this time you’ll question the meaning life as you read and watch endless amounts of fitness blogs and videos in hopes of being motivated to start over.
- Repeat steps 1-31 for the next 6 months to 20 years (with minor variations in the details.)
- Consider that maybe, just maybe your lack of results stems from the fact that you’re just a lazy bastard.
- Grow pair of balls.
- Pick halfway decent training program. Preferably something that doesn’t involve bosu balls and actually stick with it for more than a month.
- Actually start tracking your workout progress, consistently aiming to improve and get stronger.
- Not quite sure what step 37 is but it’s probably something important.
- Clean up your diet.
- Start eating more fruits, vegetables, and protein.
- 2 weeks later, realize that fruits actually taste fucking amazing. Vegetables are still okay.
- Replace your 6 cans of soda per day with water. Hey, you don’t feel sluggish anymore. Amazing.
- Start learning how to cook semi-edible meals that don’t come out of a plastic bag.
- 8 weeks pass.
- Hot girl at gym says “hi.”
- Ripped guy at gym who never talks to you, stops by and compliments you on your progress.
- You can’t wipe that smirk off your face.
- Staying consistent is easy now because you’re seeing progress.
- 6-24 months pass.
- You’re now in the best shape of your life. Strength levels have increased 10x, energy levels are up, and you feel amazing.
- You post nothing but gym selfies and motivational quotes on Facebook. Everyone hates you.
Just 50 short steps to building the body you’ve always dreamed of 🙂
Am I missing any steps? Let me know in the comments.
[thrive_text_block color=”note” headline=”My new course, Superhero X12 launches in 7 days”]
Hopefully you realized that these 50 steps aren’t 100% serious.
Although a lot of it is scarily close to what I see a lot of people go through, including myself.
Next Tuesday (April 11th), I’m releasing my new course Superhero X12, which will give you the exact steps to build a lean and muscular superhero body in as little as 12 weeks.
It’s a complete overhaul of my current SS 2.0 program (which will be discontinued next week) and has 10 times the amount of content.
I’m also launching it with a special 50% discount that will only be available next week. So make sure you keep your eyes peeled for that.