Dammit Sarah, You Plant Eating Motherf*cker

May 11, 2016 | 85 Comments


plant based diet hippie
This lame as balls stock photo of “woman smiles while eating salad” is for you, Sarah. Blame her for the lack of more original pics.

I recently received a comment on an article I wrote all the way back in 2011, Answering Every God Damn Question You Have About Weight Loss (you can view the original comment on there if you want). 

It’s a super old post and some of my thoughts on weight loss have changed since that post.

But 95% of the article is still legit advice.

Then comes Sarah.

A plant eating diet crazy who decides to leave an insanely long comment on the article basically saying how full of shit I am.

It was one of the most entertaining comments I’ve read in a long time.

I typically respond to negative comments with “Your mom” or “I love you.”

But guess what, Sarah?

You get an entire article dedicated to your comment.

You lucky girl.

Note: Sarah’s comments are bolded below and broken up into different sections. My responses are as seen below. 

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Wow, yeah, don’t listen to Dr. Oz but listen to this random guy promoting red meat despite profound scientific studies saying how dangerous it is including WOW’s recent publications and the fact that the National Academy of Science published years ago that there is NO safe level of transfats for humans to consume, so that ANY amount of transfats (found in red meat and other animal products) is considered, by SCIENTISTS, to be extremely DANGEROUS. So are you suggesting that we should listen to Dr. Oz?[/thrive_highlight]

You mean the cock face who says acai berry supplements are the secret to weight loss?

Or did you mean the guy who got called out by a US senator saying “The scientific community is almost monolithic against you in terms of the efficacy of the three products you call miracles.”

As for transfats, yes you should limit your intake of artificial transfats.

But the natural transfats found in meats are fine. 

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Bacon is one of the most UNHEALTHY, DANGEROUS things you can put in your body.[/thrive_highlight]

False.

Rat poison is one of the most unhealthy, dangerous things you can put in your body

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]You can’t even put bacon grease down a DRAIN yet you want to put it in your body?![/thrive_highlight]

You can’t put any fucking grease or oil down a drain, genius.

It’s not just bacon grease.

Then again, how can you argue with this logic.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Yes, all animal fats are DANGEROUS.[/thrive_highlight]

You’re dangerous.

You can’t blame animals fats as the sole reason people are fat and unhealthy.

In fact there are plenty of studies, like this one, showing that animal fats (saturated fats) don’t increase the risk of cardiovascular disease.

[easy-tweet tweet=”Dammit Sarah, You Plant Eating Motherf*cker” user=”fitmole”]

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Further more, bubble baths are not good for your skin…[/thrive_highlight]

What the fuck is wrong with you?

Dammit, Sarah.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]…and I hope those scented candles you’re talking about are all natural, because fragrance candles are poison to your body and just accumulate toxins in the air…[/thrive_highlight]

Bitch, you crazy.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]and thus your body and a healthy body is the key to losing and maintaining weight.[/thrive_highlight]

You can take bubble baths and snort scented can wax all day long.

If you’re not eating anything, you will lose weight.

If you want to take a bubble bath, take a damn bubble bath.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]But it’s also disgusting to me that someone would call “bacon” one of life’s greatest pleasures…clearly they haven’t lived much or realized what life is about. Go watch Earthlings and you’ll see where that so called bacon comes from, or rather who.[/thrive_highlight]

Sorry, I’m not a fan of cats.

And bacon is a cured meat that comes from pigs.

Not everything is a conspiracy.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]This could not be more wrong: “I’ve never been a huge fan of telling people what to eat. I much prefer to tell them how much to eat and let them make their own choices. But with that said, you should just eat ANYTHING you want, just eat smaller portions of it.” BULLSHIT.[/thrive_highlight]

99.99% of people are overweight because they eat far too many calories.

Hitting up Chipotle, and eating a 1500 calorie burrito is fine if you know how to calculate it and fit in your diet.

But people don’t do that. They go to Chipotle, get their 1500 calorie burrito, then decide to crush a bucket of KFC and a dozen cupcakes for dinner.

That’s why I tell people to watch how much they’re fucking eating.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Portion control is absolute bullshit unless you’re eating toxic foods that are harmful to your body, then yes, eat as little as possible (none at all, really).[/thrive_highlight]

Sure it’s BS…

…in the same way 21 year olds marry 78 year old millionaires because of love.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]If you eat a diet that your body actually needs, foods that are actually MEANT for your body and nourish your body, then eat as much of that good stuff as you want and can![/thrive_highlight]

Well that’s just stupid.

You will gain weight no matter what you eat if you’re eating in a surplus.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]DO NOT worry about portions of quinoa and veggies, salads, “green” smoothies, fruits, etc. I’ve seen people drop pounds eating huge plates of pasta and salads but the pasta was gluten free (Ancient Harvest quinoa pasta) and the sauces and such were 100% from whole plant foods.[/thrive_highlight]

The universe doesn’t grant you magic powers just because you decide to go on a plant based diet.

The law of thermodynamics apply to you just like anyone else.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]And yes, eat potatoes! They are so healthy and perfectly fine! But don’t douse them in butter, use a drizzle of olive oil or hemp oil once they’re cooked and some sea salt and maybe garlic or whatever you like.[/thrive_highlight]

Ah yes, can’t forget about the magic potatoes.

BRB lemme go eat 4000 calories worth in potatoes drizzled in olive oil.

Remember what Sarah said, potatoes one of the magic foods, because well…just because she said so.*

*sarcasm

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]If you’re eating refined foods, then yes, limit your intake, try not to eat refined foods like corn chips etc. If you love these things, find out how to make them healthier… get oil free corn tortillas, stick them in the oven at 350 degrees F and bake them for a few minutes and voila.[/thrive_highlight]

Who the fuck has time to make their own corn chips.

Dammit, Sarah.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]So no, it is NOT how much you eat, it is WHAT you eat.[/thrive_highlight]

No, you’re wrong.

On every possible level.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]For fats, STAY AWAY from oils high in omega-6 (soy oil, cottonseed oil, safflower/sunflower oil/etc.), extra virgin olive oil is fine but don’t over do any oils. Drizzle it with vinegar over salads or veggies or rice/quinoa/etc. AFTER they’re cooked for optimal health.[/thrive_highlight]

Semi-agree with limiting high omega-6 oils.

Don’t agree with not overdoing oils.

Oils are fats and fats have 9 calories per gram so yes, foods with a lot of oil have a lot more calories. But there’s no other reason to avoid them.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Things like soy and sunflower seeds are very healthy, omega-6 is good and essential but in the western world we get WAY too much of it and not enough omega-3’s. So the omega-6 in whole foods like seeds and nuts is very healthy but when we extract the oils from these things, it’s just too much.[/thrive_highlight]

Hey I actually agree with this.

Most people do get too much omega-6 and need more omega-3’s which is why supplementing with fish oil can help.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Consider adding a couple tbsp’s of ground flax to your diet each day. You can grind up whole flax yourself using a mortar or coffee grinder, this is good for omega-3’s. Hemp seeds are another great source. If you want direct DHA, I suggest taking an algae based DHA supplement but I only recommend Nutru’s OmegaZEN pure DHA as it’s purest I’ve found and has no palm oil (which is very unhealthy and grossly unsustainable and one of the most serious epidemics on this planet). You don’t need to worry about EPA, your body converts these thins on its own, DHA as well but you need to get enough omega 3’s in general to produce enough.[/thrive_highlight]

Or you can do fish oil.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Then there’s the talk about calories… Calories don’t matter, it’s WHAT you eat, not the amount of calories accumulated.[/thrive_highlight]

Oh you poor, dumb bitch.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]I guarantee if someone adopts a whole foods plant based diet omitting gluten containing grains (because yes, gluten is a toxin for everyone and causes most people to put on weight), you WILL lose weight.[/thrive_highlight]

The number of people who get celiac disease caused by gluten is incredibly small (as in 0.3-1.2%).

If you fall into that percentage, then I’m sorry.

Everyone else is just riding the “being gluten-free is cool” dick.

Being gluten-free doesn’t make you exempt from the law of thermodynamics.

So why would you say gluten is a toxin for everyone, Sarah?

Actually, never mind.

Stupid question, considering what you just said above.

Dammit, Sarah.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]I actually do think it’s a good idea not to eat late at night as a rule, if you can… or rather, a few hours before you go to bed.[/thrive_highlight]

I actually don’t think it matters at all.

Plenty of people eating one massive meal right before they sleep and losing tons of weight.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Sometimes I eat late but as a rule, I like to stop eating by 8pm[/thrive_highlight]

Well…good for you.

I’m sure your cats appreciate it.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]This gives the body time to fast and digest and it just gives your body a break. Some people think an anti aging chemical is omitted by the body during periods of fasting, but studies actually only show that to occur in yeast. Regardless, I have seem tremendous success with not eating past a certain time and it’s better for your sleep and all the work your body has to do in its sleep, rather than using up energy for digestion.[/thrive_highlight]

Your body is going to digest food regardless of when you eat.

It’s not like you stop digesting food when you sleep.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]I think breakfast is important but not in eating right when you get up.[/thrive_highlight]

I disagree.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]I actually like to have lemon water (which I drink with a glass straw, better for teeth and the glass is cheaper in the long run and much better for the environment and healthier for you as chemicals are leached off of plastic, especially in warm or acidic liquids) and green tea in the morning and wait till I get hungry to eat.[/thrive_highlight]

Of course you drink lemon water.

I bet you also go to your local farmers market every Sunday morning to buy hummus.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Yes we need carbs! LOTS of carbs! That should be our entire food source.[/thrive_highlight]

Yeah, fuck protein and fats.

It’s not like those are important for building muscle, keeping a healthy hormonal balance, and you know, health.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]But NOT donuts, etc. that shit is poison.[/thrive_highlight]

I think you’re poison.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]If your’e gonna treat yourself, go for it, but do not make it a regular part of your diet and try to learn healthier alternatives to those kinds of things.[/thrive_highlight]

No.

I like my doughnuts deep fried, drenched in sugar, and topped with bacon made by the dirty, unwashed hands of a shady Vietnamese chain smoker in Compton.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]But yes, healthy carbs should be what your diet consists of. Eat as many vegetables as you want, fruit (do NOT listen to people about sugar in fruit, they’re so wrong they’re insane), seeds, nuts, legumes, beans, gluten free grains like quinoa (though technically a seed), etc…[/thrive_highlight]

Hmm…actually not horrible advice to eat as many veggies as you want.

But then you had to go all hippie and talk about legumes and quinoa.

Dammit, Sarah.

Just when I was starting to like you.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]And do NOT listen to people about green smoothies causing weight gain. I have seen weight FALL off of people who drank them in excess. But they were also 100% plant based and gluten free. Either way, vegetable and fruit smoothies are a great idea for everyone.[/thrive_highlight]

Who the shit ever said green smoothies cause weight gain?

Great idea, you should drink more fruit and veggies smoothies.

But these are not zero calorie magic elixirs.

Calories still matter.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]I couldn’t even read through all this, this guy does not know anything about nutrition.[/thrive_highlight]

And yet you wrote a 1500+ word comment.

My entire article was 1800 words.

I’m honored.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]If you really want to lose weight, you need a healthy body.[/thrive_highlight]

I’m about to punch myself in the balls.

If you’re overweight, you’re not even healthy in the first place.

Dammit, Sarah.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]With consistent exercise and a plant based diet, excess weight will fall off and your body will overall, heal itself.[/thrive_highlight]

This is the most hippie, borderline “I believe in magic” thing I’ve ever heard.

No, just because you go on a plant based diet doesn’t guarantee anything.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Stay away from gluten and definitely stay away from meat, eggs, dairy, honey.[/thrive_highlight]

I will continue to eat meat, eggs, dairy, and honey.

And I will continue to recommend meat, eggs, dairy, and honey to everyone that lands on this blog.

What do you have against honey anyways?

Bees are awesome.

You’re not.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]These things are inflammatory among other things.[/thrive_highlight]

Eating too much food in general is one of the primary causes of inflammation.

Never blame any one specific food.

If you eat a teaspoon of honey, your body isn’t going to burst into flames.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Don’t listen to all the attacks on plant foods going around, science has proved time and time again that plant foods are healing foods, they are perfect foods[/thrive_highlight]

I only attack it because people like you leave 1500 word comments on my site spewing the craziest BS ever.

And stop calling them healing foods.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Make sure your’e getting IODINE, NOT from iodized salt. Take an iodine supplement or consume sea vegetables regularly as these are the BEST sources of iodine. I actually take a teaspoon of kelp granules everyday. The thyroid depends on iodine and in our modern society, there are so many things that affect our iodine levels including soil depletion thanks to animal agriculture, GMO’s, use of pesticides and herbicides in general, etc. But a healthy body with sufficient levels of iodine can actually heal an under active thyroid, including those with hashimoto’s disease.[/thrive_highlight]

So tl;dr: try to get some iodine.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Drink lots of water, at the minimum, 64 oz. a day. Your body simply cannot lose weight without enough water and can’t function properly at all.[/thrive_highlight]

Try going a day without water.

If you don’t lose weight the following morning, I will Paypal you $5,000.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]The best protein you will get, is from plant based proteins.[/thrive_highlight]

I much prefer dead animal.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]When consuming animal flesh, they have to be cooked for our safety to such high degrees that the amino acids are killed off.[/thrive_highlight]

Guess that’s why we should all go to 5 star steakhouses and order our cuts to be well-done, eh?

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Animal flesh and secretions are not very bioavailable forms of protein. Protein is in just about every plant food, but make sure you’re eaten things like beans, nuts, legumes, seeds, etc. for optimal levels.[/thrive_highlight]

What the crap?

A piece of steak is a complete source of protein. A fucking cashew is not.

You’d be hard pressed to find a better source of protein than a nice medium rare piece of steak.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Learn to prepare things like tempeh (fermented soy is very good for you, soy does NOT disrupt hormones, soy protein isolates may, but there’s lots of other options if you have a soy allergy or just don’t want soy in your diet)).[/thrive_highlight]

I’d rather eat a dick than live off tempeh.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]If getting a protein shake, get vegan. Like Beach Body’s Shakeology vegan option.[/thrive_highlight]

Great, we got a Beach Body affiliate here.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]Stay the hell away from whey… it will put weight on you more than take it off, it is NOT a good form of protein (watch Cowspiracy) and you’re paying for a waste product of the dairy industry, namely the greek yogurt industry… it accumulates so much toxic waste (whey) that the companies have to find responsible ways to dump it, and what better way than to feed it to all of you and profit off of it at the same time?[/thrive_highlight]

The conspiracy is strong in you.

Your body won’t magically put on weight if you take whey.

That doesn’t even make sense.

Sure, low quality dollar store whey protein is horrible for you. Many companies have been caught for spiking their amino acid profile (having more protein than claimed).

But a high quality whey protein is one of the best things you can take if you have trouble getting enough protein via real foods.

[thrive_highlight highlight=’#eeee22′ text=’dark’]You should be ashamed of yourself posting anything about “nutrition.” I feel bad for the people listening to you.[/thrive_highlight]

I feel bad for people listening to you.

You approach nutrition like some damn cult.

You tell people to cut out entire food groups while labeling other foods as poison to your body.

Is that really a good relationship to have with food?

Instead of playing plant based diet demigod, maybe you should try improving the way you view food.

Try eating foods you enjoy in moderation.

Track how much you’re eating, make sure you’re getting plenty of vitamins and nutrients.

Most importantly, stop spending so much damn time writing 1500+ word comments on fitness blogs.

Hopefully your life is more exciting than that, Sarah.

Here’s what you can learn from Sarah

[divider style=’left’]

Based on my many years of observation and experience, I can conclude that:

  • There’s a 99.999999% chance Sarah has a cat.

But on a more serious level:

  • This is why I try to push people away from traditional fitness lifestyle crap and tell them to live the Non-Fitness Lifestyle.
    • This is exactly what happens when you “dedicate” your life to your diet. You spend every waking moment thinking about it and criticizing others who don’t follow your same beliefs.
      • Same goes for guys in the bodybuilding circles who spend 3 hours per day arguing on bodybuilding forums.
  • Writing a 1500+ word comment is no joke. If you spend so much damn time writing a comment of this length and detail on someone’s site, I question how you spend the rest of your time.
  • No, a plant based diet isn’t necessary in any way, shape, or form to build the body you want.
  • If you want to follow a plant based diet, fine. Do it because you enjoy it and it makes you happy. Most importantly, shut up about it. NO ONE wants to hear about it.
  • I’m not hating on Sarah for following a plant based diet. I’m hating on her because of her absolutely retarded logic for why plant based diets are “superior.”
  • Of course if all you eat is deep fried shit all day long, then switching to a plant based diet is going to automatically benefit you. But not because plant based diets are magic but more so because you’re not eating so much, you know…deep fried shit.
  • Don’t be like Sarah, ever.

So in honor of Sarah, we should all eat an extra juicy, medium-rare ribeye for dinner tonight.

Cheers, Sarah.

P.S. If you want to learn how to eat your favorite foods every day (including juicy steaks and doughnuts), then be sure to check out my Superhero Shredding 2.0 system.

85 Comments - Leave Your Thoughts

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  1. Love it!
    As a personal trainer for over 25 years I’m appalled at the anount of bullshit out there.

    Don’t eat this – eat that – etc etc.

    Everybody is so different and what works for one person will be different for the next person.

    What’s more disturbing is that if you speak up you get trolled. Get a reality check! It’s called freedom of speech. Just don’t shove your views on people,

    Keep your honest and raw stuff coming.

  2. Holy hell… I too agree that person most certainly has a cat. I never liked the ‘holier than thou’ approach to anything really. This person probably believes in the Wage Gap Myth as well… lolz

    I guzzle dat whey protein, eat Subway often, and every day I get my 20% junk food in! Be it Pizza Puffs. A donut or two etc. And still GETTING STRONGER! MUAHAHAH!

    Keep your ideas flowin’ Mr. Lai. Loving the workout! SS 2.0 ftw.

  3. just had a couple of chicken breasts with a bit of baked potatoes.
    keep it raw and honest, man. I FUCKING LOVE YOU because of it.

    blessings to you, Keith!

  4. Probably the funniest thing i read today!

    But i really think that people like Sarah should stop criticizing everything and everyone that doesn’t do exactly as they

    I mean, there has to be a difference between what is good for different people, depending on what your health and body goals are, where you live and what type of body you have

    But thanks Keith, great answers to horrible questions/statements

    1. Thanks! Agree with you, people like Sarah believe that there’s only one way to get results which is obviously not the case.

  5. Wow just wow that people like that even exist. My favorite was…I drink lemon water through a straw cuz it’s better for my teeth. Hmmmm makes me wonder if I should drink my Saturday night glass of wine with a straw too??? Lmao how anal can u get? I guarantee that whakadoo is single!

  6. Great article. Great website too! Ironically, that old article of yours was the first one I read on your website, and after seeing her comment this one was a pleasant surprise.
    Back to the point, I really liked your old article so this took my attention-
    “But 95% of the article is still legit advice.”
    What’s the 5% that changed?
    Keep it up Keith!

    1. Thanks Sven.

      Just random details like my recommendation on protein. For example (on protein), people who don’t train a lot can do fine on 0.6 grams protein, but those looking to maximize muscle growth and maintain what they have when they cut should aim for 0.8 minimum.

  7. Wow! This article made my day! Couldn’t stop laughing!
    Keith – lovely to see you have such a relaxed attitude towards “haters” and are able to reply with a very healthy dose of sarcasm and self-irony!
    By the way: having cats doesn’t go against medium rare steaks or bacon :P.
    But who knows? Perhaps Sarah’s got a vegetarian cat?!? LOL

  8. “Dammit Sarah, You Plant Eating Motherf*cker” is going on a T-shirt tmr. You should probably consider making them merchandise on your site actually. You, Sir, are a brilliant, brilliant, delightful man and I love you.

  9. This was fucking hilarious.
    I eat a plant based diet and I have a whole website dedicated to it – but this was the best shit I’ve read in a long time.
    Damn it Sarah! Why you gotta give plant based eaters a bad name!
    Leave the man alone with your 1500+ words – perhaps you should start your own website so you can blabber on as much as you fucking want.
    Good on you Keith for calling her out. It made my day.
    There are a lot of crazy asses you take it to the extreme.

    Dear Sarah: everything will be okay (as long as you don’t eat gluten).

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